“I do not understand what I do. 

This past week our Pastor began a series on the Biblical letter 1 John, which is believed to have been written to first century Christians.  An immediate emphasis in the first chapter is an admonition to acknowledge that everyone, even those who claim to have fellowship with God, has sin in their life.  John even goes further and underscores not only the need for confession of our sins…but also two great benefits…forgiveness and purification.  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

My understanding of the key words:

Confession…of our sins, with honesty and transparency, exhibits that we are looking upon sin the same way that God does.  If we don’t view sin the way God does we will not see a need to confess.      Sin... in the context of 1 John chapter 1, can be understood as “missing the mark”.  The “mark” is God’s divine standard or norm.  It can also be viewed as “rebellion”…meaning to consciously deviate from God’s standard.      Forgiveness…God is choosing to “lay it aside”, “let it go”.  He is extending His grace (undeserved favor-getting what we don’t deserve) and mercy (not getting what we do deserve) to us, the confessing, repentant sinners.  We don’t deserve to be forgiven, yet God offers it to us anyway.      Purify…we will be released from the bondage of the sin in our lives when we acknowledge and confess our sins.

As the Pastor spoke, tears filled my eyes remembering that two years ago to the day I was being confronted with the consequences of my rebellion. Unconfessed sin in my life was being laid out in front of me in a very personal and public way.  I had to face the truth that I did not view sin as God does; I missed the mark; I was in rebellion against God and I was in bondage to sin.  Because I did not want to face any of these truths I entered into a deep depression.  

But it was in the midst of that depression that I found love.

I found that honest confession brought freedom from bondage.  It brought a new understanding of what it means to be in submission to God rather than being in rebellion against Him.  And it brought forgiveness from family, friends and God. Receiving their forgiveness was key…forgiveness is the expression of love that brought me out of depression.

After the church service last Sunday I decided to look back in my journal and found that for almost that entire first year my thoughts were mostly dark and depressed.  I wrote things like: “Traveling through a dark tunnel.”  “Depression has returned.”  “Lord, please not another day.  Not another sunrise!  Just let me sleep.” “God help me…please!”  Then…   almost exactly one year ago to the day, November 1, 2014, I  saw that I wrote this in my journal:

“God has placed me in a desert the past year.  He had to in order to get my attention.  I was headed for certain destruction.  He saved me!”  

The very next day, November 2, 2014, I made a list of those “things” in my life that I love. I was awakened to the realization that the desert was actually filled with life-giving water that I had not been able to see.  I was blinded by my desire for secrecy and a longing to reinstall the mask of deception.  I realized that in my depression I actually preferred the bondage to sin over the freedom offered to me through confession and transparency.  I determined not to accept that any longer!

  I wrote in my journal: (there are over two pages, however I will only list a few here)

“I love:  My Caroline, my children, my grandchildren, my Denise and Lin and Dan and so many other family and friends.  I love their unconditional love for me.  I love the rising sun, feeling the warmth on my face and thinking about the prospects of a new day.   I love hikes in the woods.   I love to see flowers blooming in the Spring.  I love cross-country skiing on a crisp, cold winter day.  I love the stillness in the woods when you can actually hear snowflakes falling on the trees.  I love Smokey (my cat) sleeping on my lap and Toby’s (my dog) excitement when he see’s me.  I love hearing the wind blow through the trees.  I love reading books that inspire me to be a better person.  I love projects.  I love fixing the broken.  I love seeing how much our kids love Caroline.  I love thinking about the potential of a seed; then planting it and seeing that potential realized.  I love the ability to love and to be loved…………

I wrote much more and I can tell you it was a turning point for me.  The life-giving water began to flow and the desert began to bloom.  There are still moments of sadness.  I am still, as are you, in the “desert-of-this-world”…but it is now, again, filled with hope.  I can see past the desert to the purpose for which I was created…and the world beyond… To know Him…and to make Him known.

“For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water.  And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”  Revelation 7:17

Mike

PS  Many of you reading this post are those who have walked beside me on this journey, and continue to do so.  If I have not told you recently…I tell you now…I love you.  Thank you for loving me.

Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.”  Jesus as recorded in  Revelation 3:20

Caroline and I watched the movie Cinderella 2015 the other night.  Of course, as with most of us, the story has been known to us for a long time.  No surprises…right?  However, I was intrigued by a question/statement made by the narrator, as Cinderella, anxiously, approached the king who had been purposely searching for her…pursuing her.  

The narrator said: “Would who she was , who she really was, be enough?  There was no magic to help her this time.  This is perhaps the greatest risk any of us will take.  To be seen as we truly are.”  Then, Cinderella approaching the king and knowing that he believed her to be a princess,  said to him, “Will you take me as I am?”

Almost immediately I  hit the “back” button on the remote and listened again.  My mind went to the truth that I too would one day be approaching, standing before, the King who has been pursuing me all of my life(see Romans 14:10-12).  

At that moment I deeply felt the discomfort, and at times the horror, of being seen as I truly am.  I remembered the thoughts that I had…“If they knew what I had done or the thoughts that have gone through my head, they would never love me; they would never ‘take me as I am’.”  But the King I speak of, unlike others, knows what I have done and knows my thoughts (see Hebrews 4:13)…and still “takes me as I am”(see Romans 5:8).

Cinderella 2015 is a fairy tale…my life and yours are not.  Yet the parallel of a King who takes us as we are is true.  He says this: “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Jesus as recorded in Matthew 11:28-30.

I will stand before Him…and so will you.  And when I do I hope to do so, not with anxiety…but with confidence and assurance that, as He says, He will take me as I am…not because of me…but because of what Christ did for me.

Michael Rueffert

PS  Be blessed as you listen to this music video “I can only Imagine” by Mercy Me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9vx4kP7X-k

My personal legacy has been on my mind lately.  Not so much in a material sense…but in the non-material.  When I am no more than a memory…what will that memory be?  Due to an abundance of mistakes and poor choices, my fear is that they, my poor choices, will overshadow all else.  I hope not.

 Many of those reading this note will recognize the name of John Newton.  If you do, what comes to mind?  Perhaps it is the hymn “Amazing Grace”,which he wrote later in his life.  Perhaps it is the fact that during one period of his life he had also been the captain of a slave ship.  Do the mistakes and poor choices at one time in his life overshadow the things that he did right?  

  Or, perhaps, does the combination point to a power for change?  A Power that is sovereign, abounding in grace and patient…not wanting anyone to perish.  I hope so.  And if so…the change will direct others, not to the one who was changed…but to the Changer.  That is the legacy I hope to pass on.

 John Newton wrote:“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am”.  Newton’s “I am” statements point not to himself as the power behind his changed life but the great “I AM”.   The Eternal, Self-existent One who revealed Himself to Moses (see Exodus chapter 3).

Watch this Beautiful Things – Gungor Lyric Video

I have heard it said that confession is “telling God what He already knows”.  So why do it?

In the midst of a traumatic period in my life and facing the very difficult consequences of my failures, I read a short devotional from the Our Daily Bread publication.  The article was written by Julie Akerman Link and entitled “On Being Known”.   She speaks of the cognitive distortions…the “inner conflicts” waging war within our hearts and minds relative to “our desire to be known versus our fear of being known”.  She speaks of the healing that is available to anyone who has the courage to be transparent about their failures.

It was during this time of trauma that I found how easy it was to confess my failures to God…but how very difficult it was to confess to my family and friends. But as difficult as it was, I found that it was only in transparency with both God and others that I found amazing expressions of grace, mercy, love, forgiveness, healing…and freedom.

Take a look at “On Being Known” at this link:

 http://odb.org/2014/09/19/on-being-known/

You will be blessed.

Michael Rueffert

Symphony in the Trees by Michael Rueffert (I wrote this following a day in the woods with my dog. These times in the woods are therapeutic for me. I call them my “woods-fix”. God is the Therapist and He speaks to me through His creation)

It has been said that wind is an example of faith in God. We cannot see it, but we can see and experience the impact, the results, and the evidence of its existence. Creation is evidence of the reality of an intelligent Creator…God. The Symphony in the Trees is evidence of the reality of wind. Though unseen…very real. Each tree, just as the many instruments in a symphony, is a unique size and shape with a specific purpose and expression. Each tree dances in the wind as if responding to a different mechanism, a specific instruction from an invisible conductor. Each trunk, each branch, each needle and leaf twisting and swaying as if listening to its own drumbeat.

Yet, just as with a well-organized symphony, with each instrument playing its own notes, moving its own direction, expressing its individuality, the beauty of that which results is without parallel. Listen…listen.

The evidence points to a divine intelligence; a skilled Conductor.The sound…the beautiful sound.  There is no compare.

It is pure harmony…
pure beauty…
pure peace.

Thank you Lord…for the Symphony in the Trees.

He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth;
he sends lightning with the rain
and brings out the wind from his storehouses. Psalm 135:7